Happy Birthday

been a while....

that zine I keep trying to make is not as easy to get right down into making as it used to be...

I remember back when I used to make them all the time.. I'd get into the zone and it felt so good to see it all come together.... my bedroom at my parents house would turn into an insane mess, pieces of scrap paper all over the floorboards, sticky spots where my glue stick fell over... I'd stay up almost the whole night and just before I'd finally go to bed, I'd flip the zine over in my hands, the glue still a bit wet but starting to dry, and to actually be pleased with what I'd done, would make sleep so much more peaceful and inviting.

I think I'd feel a lot better if I could just get back into it all.. re-connect with other zine makers and do free trades...
the feeling of actually making your own zine, pouring your whole self into it and then xeroxing it, well thats only rivaled by the feeling of getting someone elses' zine in the mail and flipping through it and reading it...

I love the way type writer accidents (say 2 letters in the same spot) look when xeroxed...
I love the way a stack of xeroxed paper feels and smells (warm and well, similar to a new book smell)

I'm getting so sick of facebook and all the bullshit on it.
I get sucked into it like everyone else but I find it really depressing actually....
and pathetic.
I feel pathetic because my only source of companionship (at this moment) is facebook!
I have 1 good true friend, and she doesn't live in my city.. we stay in touch through phone calls and visits that are too few and far between...

recently, I had a big disappointment in a group of moms who I had started to become friendly with....
I just saw them for who they really are and I didn't like what I saw.

I find it really ironic that some of the most religiously identified people I know, are actually the biggest assholes too.
They're selfish and judgemental and just ugly on the inside.

I've felt like I've behaved more virtuously to them then they have with me, and I'm an athiest.. so go figure.

......

thats not to say all religious people are dicks..
I've met a few who genuinely aren't.

well, I think this was a good getting-back-into-blogging entry..
now I hope the next one isn't in another 6 months ;)
hah.

p.s. I must try to get out with Mia, no matter the weather - and walk.
Walking, breathing 'fresh' air (well, as fresh as it can be for city air..) is ridiculously helpful for the psyche.

a little update...

- I'm trying to get back into zine making. I'm currently working on a zine entitled 'Mia likes white noise' which is all about ... I'm not 100% sure yet. It's a work in progress. It's basically about me trying to figure out what motherhood is all about and how I fit into all of that... trying to be a good mom, not go crazy, not lose my sense of self. etc.
- Mia's getting moved into a toddler bed tomorrow since she took a flying leap (not quite but it was terrifying) out of her crib tonight and that means the end of her crib sleeping days are officially over.
- something strange happened tonight.. around quarter after 11pm our doorbell rang and there was no one there. It creeped us out...

the background of this blog...

was chosen precisely for its menstrual blood like appearance..

I once knew a girl who took photographs of a huge jar of water and the slow dispersing of scarlet coloured blood from her keeper into it, after she had tipped it ....

it was pretty awesome, actually.

new shoes.

I can't stop listening to german microhouse.

seriously.

it is so good.

Kompakt records!!

100 things I want to do before I die....

I am currently working on my list.